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Should I Try To Hide The Intensity Of My Anger After My Spouse’s Affair? Or Do I Show The Truth?
“Is it a good idea to be honest about the totality of your anger after your spouse’s affair? I have never been so furious in my life. Most of the time, I hold back on this, especially when my children are around. But sometimes, I just can’t help it. But I notice that when I do, my husband pushes back. And so we end up fighting and losing any gains that we have made. At this point, I am not sure what I want to do about my marriage. If I end up leaving him, then I don’t care if he knows how angry I am. But part of me wants to entertain the idea that we might one day salvage our marriage because of our children. And I worry that if I let him know how angry I really am, that might scare him away or cause him to get defensive. At the same time, I feel like downplaying my anger is almost like lying. And after being cheated on, honesty is so important to me. Should I let him see the truth about my anger? Or should I try to release it in another way?”
If I Stay After The Affair Because Of My Kids, Can My Marriage Survive?“The only reason that I am not walking out on my husband is because of the kids. I found out two weeks ago that my husband has been having an affair with one of his coworkers. He has begged me to try to save our marriage and he promised that he will never be unfaithful again. Frankly, I don’t care if he cheats again. I am not at all invested in him anymore. I don’t intend to have the same type of marriage from now on because I can’t imagine being able to trust my husband ever again. But I came from a broken home and I feel like it has negatively affected me even as an adult. I am determined to spare my children from any of that same pain. So I am staying only because of my children. My concern is that even though I am motivated by children, I am not going to be able to keep this marriage together because of my anger and, because of this, my children are going to suffer anyway. Can a marriage work if there has been infidelity and the faithful spouse is only staying because of the children?”